i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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