I want to have your abortion
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
My cat gives me a boner
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
