based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
