I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
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