Fine. I'll sleep in my office
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
