Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
