Do you still have your period?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
