you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
