I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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