Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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