i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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