Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
