i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
stop calling my apartment porn island.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Randomize
