i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
