Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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