In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Randomize
