make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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