I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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