dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
