I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
