Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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