i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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