He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
