dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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