I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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