All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
