IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Randomize
