When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
