it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
sarcasm needs its own font
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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