We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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