Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
