i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
