"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
