i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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