Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
