i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
