I feel like I'm in dance class right now
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
