Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
