Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
