I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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