After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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