I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Another day, another engagement, another cat
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
