I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
