U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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