I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
