doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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