It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
