ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
