he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
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