The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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