i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Pants are for mortals
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
