Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
