Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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