Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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